We have been overseas for nearly seven months, and although we are not going home soon, all we talk about is going home.  One of the female Soldiers said that when she gets home she can’t wait to go shopping with her mom and asked if I was going to do the same.  Not only did I have to break the news, but I had to realize that going shopping with my mom when I get home is not an option, and next year I can’t complain that my mom dragged me Black Friday shopping, and there is no running into my mom at the grocery store.  And that is a harsh reality for me that I have not really had to deal with since my mom died, because the Army has kept me away from home.   All these girls get to hang out with their moms, and get homemade cooking, and I have me.  Just me. And it hurts. STILL.  It still hurts. 

I do find it easier to talk about my mom, but I know that I still have not truly dealt with the reality of my mom being dead, because I have not been home.  I don’t know what I am more afraid of: being in Afghanistan or being home without my mom.