, ,

Today I should be celebrating my mother’s 63rd birthday, instead, I am remembering the one year anniversary of her death. I miss her beyond words.

And the day was ok.  I naturally worked, which I think is good for me, the Soldiers helped me laugh and did not let me dwell on today.  Of course I took time off to cry and nap and do nothing.  I needed to cry, I think it is natural.  And ironically today I received a care package from my aunt. She put a card in it and the card made me cry.  She told me she knew that my mom forgave me for all the times I was a “brat” and mean and selfish, but I think that was kind unfair for her to write.  I know that she was trying to help but I need to hear those things from my mom, not her.  I love my aunt very much, but I don’t know how I feel about that card.  But I am thankful that she sent me that care package and card, she is the closest thing I have to a mother and some of the things she wrote in the card were sweet and touching and I needed that. 

I was able to talk to my brother and nephew last night, along with my best friend.  And although those conversations were a bit on the sad part, it felt really good to hear their voices.  I cannot wait to get home and see every one.  I still need my family more than ever.