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I am six days away from the one year anniversary of my mother’s death and I don’t know how I am going to be.  I don’t know how I am going to feel.  I don’t even know what to do.  I won’t be with my family for this and I want to be there for them, for me.  I need them right now, like I need my mom.   I won’t be with them for this because of my duties. I just don’t even know what to feel, besides extreme sorrow.  I just want the day to come and go. I don’t want to deal with this.  But at the same time, its the first and I know its going to be the hardest and no one here knows.  I can’t share this with my Soldiers, I need to be strong for them.  God, I just need my family more than ever now.  How do I do this without them?  How do I stay strong?  Can I just skip this day? 

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