I don’t know if I have really truly, properly mourned my mother’s death. Six weeks after she died I left for my military job. I came home for three weeks in February, and then deployed overseas. My life has been consumed by the military basically since my mom died. And I keep wondering if that has hindered me from properly mourning her. I miss her more and more everyday; and I keep wondering if its because I am away from home, or if its because I never had the time to sit down with my family and just mourn.
Sometimes I just want to sit and be sad and I can’t because of mission requirements. I have to be strong; not just for me but for the soldiers I lead. I don’t have time to be sad, and I wonder if that is helping me by not thinking about her death and the sadness; or if it is hurting me by not letting me heal.